Wednesday, 8 September 2010

My white rose

My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We were devastated. Especially as the hospital treated our tiny 10 week baby as 'clinical waste', although they did claim that the ashes were scattered on a garden of remembrance. Why can hospitals not understand that a woman going through miscarriage firstly ought not be on the maternity ward with all the happy flower bearing congratulations going on around and secondly that her baby is not 'clinical waste'.

Ugh, I could cry right now, even though it was over 7 years ago. I was too numb at the time to complain. I couldn't get my head around what had happened. I felt in a dream. I wept with a nurse whose only words to me were, "You're getting blood on me."

Our Pastor was wonderful, he came round to our house afterwards and after prayers we planted a white rose bush in our garden. Every year it had flowered until early this year when it died. It seem to just rot away.

Imagine my joy when in Spring shoots started to appear! Here it is now. My beautiful white rose.


Call me silly, but I'm convinced my baby was a girl - we could never know because it was too early. Perhaps because my other two children are girls. I don't know. But she's in heaven now, my little one.

11 comments:

  1. beautiful! and I'm so sorry about the loss.

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  2. Hugs to you, my dear friend.

    I have a white rose in my garden too...I shall always think of your wee one, at home with the Father :)

    The name of the rose is Queen Mary.

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  3. {{{Oh sweetie}}}....I'm *so glad* that your white rose bloomed again. It is beautiful, just like your little rosebud who is waiting in heaven for you.

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  4. Roses are beautiful and more resilient than you think. In fact, they're just like you!

    I'm so sad that you lost your babe, I'm greaved that you were treated badly in hospital. Some (but not all) maternity nurses can be callous.

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  5. The way babies are inhumanely treated in the medical industry...ugh. I am glad your rose pulled through!!

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  6. Reminds me of a song called "Roses Will Bloom Again" .....just wait and see. Sometimes it's hard to see the flowers through our tears.
    We lost a baby and we remember it with a picture of a baby sleeping in a flower. Time helps but the memory never goes away.

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  7. ((Oh my dear)) What a beautiful way to honor your precious child.

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  8. Thank you ladies, you're so sweet. It was a long time ago, but you know not a week goes by when I don't wonder at what my baby would look like now, what she would be like.

    It amazed me at the time how my baby, though she was only 10 weeks old, meant so much to us. I think that is the problem with some (not all) hospital staff. They don't understand the loss as bereavement. If I had lost someone who had been born and lived outside the womb they would be more sympathetic, but for a woman going through a miscarriage I believe they think it is more disappointment than grief. But it was grief. Not disappointment for myself, but pain at the loss of my little one.

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  9. oh and Annecourager - thanks for the name of the rose! :)

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  10. I'm so sorry you lost your little one. Miscarriage is miserable. How lovely that the rose is still flowering.

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  11. The rose you planted in honor of your sweet baby is beautiful. It's awful you were treated so badly in the hospital. I think so often that for some nurses and doctors they are just doing a daily job, and they forget to treat patients as real people that are going through real situations, and their compassion is lost along the way. (I know that is not true for all of them.) Thank you for sharing. ~Hugs~

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